Those Advice shared by A Parent That Rescued Me when I became a New Father

"In my view I was simply just surviving for twelve months."

Ex- reality TV cast member Ryan Libbey expected to handle the demands of fatherhood.

Yet the actual experience soon became "utterly different" to what he pictured.

Life-threatening health problems during the birth saw his partner Louise being hospitalised. All of a sudden he was forced into becoming her chief support as well as taking care of their infant son Leo.

"I was doing all the nights, each diaper… every stroll. The duty of both parents," Ryan explained.

Following 11 months he reached burnout. It was a chat with his own dad, on a public seat, that made him realise he couldn't do it alone.

The direct phrases "You are not in a good spot. You must get support. In what way can I assist you?" paved the way for Ryan to express himself truthfully, look for assistance and regain his footing.

His situation is not uncommon, but infrequently talked about. Although people is now more comfortable discussing the strain on mums and about post-natal depression, less is said about the challenges dads face.

Seeking help isn't a weakness to seek assistance

Ryan thinks his struggles are symptomatic of a larger reluctance to talk among men, who still hold onto damaging ideas of what it means to be a man.

Men, he says, tend to think they must be "the fortress that just gets smashed and stays upright every time."

"It's not a sign of weakness to request help. I didn't do that fast enough," he explains.

Mental health expert Dr Jill Domoney, a expert who studies mental health surrounding childbirth, says men often don't want to acknowledge they're finding things difficult.

They can feel they are "not a legitimate person to be requesting help" - most notably in preference to a new mother and infant - but she stresses their mental well-being is vitally important to the unit.

Ryan's conversation with his dad provided him with the opportunity to request a respite - taking a couple of days abroad, away from the family home, to get a fresh outlook.

He realised he required a adjustment to pay attention to his and his partner's emotional states as well as the practical tasks of taking care of a new baby.

When he shared with Louise, he discovered he'd missed "what she longed for" -reassuring touch and paying attention to her words.

Reparenting yourself'

That epiphany has reshaped how Ryan sees parenthood.

He's now penning Leo weekly letters about his journey as a dad, which he aspires his son will read as he grows up.

Ryan thinks these will assist his son to more fully comprehend the vocabulary of emotional life and make sense of his parenting choices.

The idea of "parenting yourself" is something rapper and songwriter Professor Green - real name Stephen Manderson - has also strongly identified with since fathering his son Slimane, who is now four.

As a child Stephen did not have stable male parenting. Despite having an "incredible" relationship with his dad, long-standing difficult experiences caused his father had difficulty managing and was "in and out" of his life, making difficult their connection.

Stephen says bottling up feelings led him to make "terrible decisions" when he was younger to modify how he felt, turning in drink and drugs as escapism from the anguish.

"You turn to things that aren't helpful," he says. "They may temporarily change how you are feeling, but they will in the end exacerbate the problem."

Advice for Getting By as a First-Time Parent

• Talk to someone - if you're feeling overwhelmed, speak to a friend, your other half or a counsellor about your state of mind. It can help to reduce the stress and make you feel less isolated.
• Keep up your interests - keep doing the pursuits that allowed you to feel like you before becoming a parent. Examples include exercising, socialising or playing video games.
• Don't ignore the physical health - eating well, physical activity and when you can, getting some sleep, all are important in how your mind is faring.
• Connect with other new dads - listening to their journeys, the challenges, along with the joys, can help to put into perspective how you're experiencing things.
• Remember that requesting help isn't failing - looking after you is the most effective way you can look after your household.

When his father eventually died by suicide, Stephen expectedly found it hard to accept the loss, having had no contact with him for years.

In his current role as a parent, Stephen's determined not to "continue the chain" with his boy and instead provide the security and emotional support he did not receive.

When his son threatens to have a tantrum, for example, they do "shaking it out" together - processing the frustrations safely.

The two men Ryan and Stephen say they have become better, healthier men due to the fact that they acknowledged their issues, altered how they talk, and figured out how to regulate themselves for their children.

"I have improved at… dealing with things and handling things," states Stephen.

"I wrote that in a letter to Leo recently," Ryan says. "I wrote, on occasion I feel like my role is to teach and advise you on life, but in reality, it's a dialogue. I am discovering an equal amount as you are in this journey."