Balancing my Desire for Spontaneous Intimacy While Seeking a Meaningful Relationship
As a homosexual male approaching 50, I’ve spent many, mostly enjoyable years pursuing spontaneous encounters with other men from my teenage years. During my fourth decade, I was in a committed partnership which continued for a significant period, however I never felt completely content, because I felt neither loved or intimately fulfilled. The fact is that my constant desire has been for casual sex. Whenever I begin seeing any man, once the newness dwindles, an impulse arises to have sex with other men again.
Questioning the Possibility of Monogamy
Currently, I'm contemplating if I’ll ever be able to sustain a faithful partnership. I understand that numerous gay men engage in open relationships, yet when I’ve witnessed them, they appear like hard work, frequently causing significant pain and jealousy for everyone involved. To a large extent, I want a partner to care for me while letting me pursue other intimacies, but I dread to imagine the emotional drain this would cause. Should I just keep having casual sex and accept that a lasting partnership may be unattainable? I’m feeling a bit lost.
Each individual's sexual journey varies. Avoid considering about what you require in partnerships or your capacity to handle different types of intimate connections in a finite way. What you need as you are experiencing them now may well change down the road; eventually you may find yourself less ambivalent and discover greater understanding and a suitable route … or not. At some point you could encounter a person offering a life-changing chance to you through mirroring your desires completely … and later on you may choose that non-committal encounters suit you best. Fretting over what lies ahead and playing endless speculation is simply rooted in fear and a waste of your energy. Try to be present in your relationships, and recognize the value of each person with whom you might have an intimate bond. When and if the time is right to deepen genuine closeness with one partner, you will know.
- Pamela Stephenson Connolly practices as a American psychotherapist who specialises in treating intimacy issues.
